difficulty | مشکل haye Allah | ہائے اللہ

Sickie, hate thyself (don’t).

I’ve been feeling like shit for about four or five days now. Premenstrual; got period today. First I was depressed, then I got a weird aura for about a day almost. Not aura, prodrome. Something. I don’t see anything but my vision is fucked in exactly the shape of what people say is an aura. Not even blurred. Just a feeling like something is on my eye. I’ve grown a mountain range on my eyeball and it’s not that I can’t see it’s just that I don’t know what I’m seeing. It’s not even that I don’t know. Just that it’s not the same stuff as everything else. It’s all so demoralizing.

I just counted. It’s only day 3 of this. Whatever this is that has ended in a migraine and my period starting. But it feels like 4 or 5. I haven’t done any work. I can’t. I start and then I poop out. I went to the bank. And yesterday, I brought my partner food up from the kitchen one time. And there was something else I did do. On Sunday maybe. But I’m not sure what else I’ve done that should make me feel like there’s something to me. My brain was all active and shit, and now it’s just tired. I get tired of being alone in my head so much, yet when other people are around, I haven’t got anything to say. What is that even.

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