I can’t pray without other people. Since we started being involved queer and feminist jamaat, I’ve realized how important praying in jamaat is. And now that I’m mostly alone in the parental home for a bit, I don’t feel like praying because it’s lonely and doesn’t feel real. I wonder if that’s a bad thing, or I’m on the way to something better. I hope it’s the latter, but I fear it’s the former, that I’m allowing the love of jamaat to make me spiritually lazy on my own.
I’ve always struggled with namaz.